Maggie had also lost her best friend ...and it was a terrible accident. The thing that makes it most difficult is that it could have been prevented.

Darin was careless, always flirting with danger.  It had always bothered her. What she couldn't figure out ...was that if he cared for her like she cared for him, why would he continue to do it?  But she didn't really fault him.  It was his free spirit that she liked so well.  If only it didn't also include those things that were detrimental to him ...and her.

Not much news comes from the state of Maine, but this made national news.

Maggie's depression brings her to a point where she feels she can't bear being without him.  She contemplates joining him ...in death.

Maggie's support system had disintegrated before her very eyes.  First Mom died ...then shortly afterwards Dad leaves them.  Her older brother, Len, takes on the responsibility for a while, taking care of her and their younger brother, Ted.  Ted is the smart one in the family, getting a once in a lifetime opportunity to study overseas ...and he takes it.  Len is strong for a time, but then appears to begin going the same route as Dad, except with Len it is not just alcohol.

Maggie wants to desperately reach out to someone, but there is no one.  She is at the cemetery, contemplating her final moment on earth ...she absolutely has no one, and no reason to think otherwise.  But an elderly lady, who is visiting her daughter's gravesite, witnesses Maggie's soon to be departure from this life.

Olga is able to redirect another horrible tragedy from happening ...for a time, at least.

Maggie wishes she could see Olga again, but doesn't know her address ...and she knows she can't bring herself to visit Darin's gravesite again.  So she tries to busy herself with her job ...hoping to bank a little extra money, and hoping her brother, Len, will return.

Len does return ...but he isn't himself.  Maggie can see he's been doing heavy drugs.  Len loves his sister, and doesn't like the way he's treating her ...and he hates himself for not being able to control it.  Len leaves again.  He feels it's best for all.

Maggie can't handle any time at home, in an empty house, with Len gone.  She can't get it out of her mind, the last time he'd been there ...it was such a depressing memory.  She must keep herself busy, so as not to think about it.

Maggie gets another job.  Now she will have only enough time for work, driving between jobs, and sleep ...the burdensome of all, is the sleep, so it's best she doesn't get much of that.

A job at that hospice is rather routine.  The drama appears to be all at the Psychiatric hospital ...especially between two of them ...a patient nicknamed Crazy Larry, and the shift nurse.

Crazy Larry always seems to be just around the corner from where Maggie is. This may have been quite disturbing, but Maggie laughs to herself ...the only attention she gets any more in life, is from a crazy person.

Have you ever wanted something, then when you get it, you decide that it's not what you wanted after all?  Maggie hurts inside because she is a loving and caring person ...and has so much to offer.  But there are times when someone values what you have to offer, yet you can't bring yourself to oblige.  Crazy Larry seems desperate for someone to trust him ...and that leaves Maggie with a difficult predicament.  If she could just do her job ...doing custodial work does not require interaction with the patients.  Someone's mental illness should not hinge upon her trust ...so why can't she just do like everyone else, and pretend she doesn't care?

It becomes not just a small matter of trust ...Crazy Larry seems to desperately need someone to believe him ...to believe in him.  But more than that ...it will help him believe in himself.

Maggie wants so much to help Crazy Larry, but at what cost?  How much can be expected of a person, especially when it involves something that a person is firmly against?  Maggie knows she is not supposed to have access to the fourth floor, but that is where Crazy Larry wants her to go ...and presents it as a matter of not only trusting him, but helping him with his sanity.

Maggie feels it would be insane on her part ...but she goes with him to that fourth floor.  And in a few minutes she is about to question her own sanity ...by what she sees.

This is a the second book in a series of four books, so back to where we left you in So Loved ...,things appeared to be improving for Ruth and her mom. Not to be discouraged, Ruth is just presently having a nightmare ...dreaming that something has happened to her baby.  Her mom enters her bedroom to comfort her and tell her it was just a dream.  And she shows her that Aleah is okay, resting peacefully in her crib.

But not all nightmares happen at night.  The worst are those that happen during the time we are awake ...wide awake, and we know we're not asleep; that it is really happening.  We may wish we were just having a nightmare, and that we could just wake up and everything will be fine ...but the reality is, everything is not fine.  Ruth has one of these moments when the police come for her.  She is told she's being charged with murder.

As Ruth is brought into the courtroom to be arraigned, she sees Mom there ...sitting next to Dad?  And she is holding his hand ?!?

The Curious Whether and How ...a line from a Walt Whitman poem, entitled, "There Was a Child Went Forth".  How this applies to this story, is in the same way we often apply our thoughts to every day life, especially when it occasions not to be every day life ...not just another day.  We often face things beyond our human capacity to cope with ...and during these times we are more than curious whether and how we will get through it.

The Curious Whether and How

The Curious Whether and How